Dr. Harley, it’s said that your time with the Heroic Associates also put you through college? There are plenty of lucrative scholarships available for Associates who start early, and good dental plans for sidekicks.
yeah, thanks to the heroic association i hold a phD in physics, another phD in superphysics and a third phD in super xtreme physics
i also technically have a degree in robotic engineering
D —> Technically only e%tends to horseshoes and hand grenades, Doctor
they said using my dog invalidated some of my research, which is… total bullshit!!
Do you hold any particular thoughts and dreams for the future?
D —> A soldier for justice should not place too much weight on a 100dicrously amorphous ‘future’
D —> Heroes give us the gift of a future, even if it seems that at times the undeserving public over100ks their work entirely
D —> It would be ridiculous in the e%treme to talk about desires that are empty words
:33 < wow that wasnt purrtentious and depressing as shit or anything
D —> E%cuse me, who is answering the question here
its ok i can do a translation from snobass to real person speak: we just want to keep doing what we do i think! its important to us that we keep carrying the torch we got given and fight the good fight!! we will know when its over and at that point we can start thinking about dreams, nobody should ever give up on dreams entirely :c
:33 < *the kittythemed heroines nose twitches wildly in agr33ment!*
D —> Was it really that pretentious
:33 < yes
D —> Fiddlesticks
I am personally one hundred percent certain you will keep fighting the good fight for years to come.
==>CONTINUE REREADING PAGE 5, FROM MID-INTERVIEW
Let’s leave general history for a moment and get on to personal. You weren’t an agency placement; Dr. Harley was registered as your scientist asset from the start. What made you three think that you were on to a good thing?
D —> Our modus operandi has always been 100sely weapons-based
D —> I had intended to act as both mechanic and repairs, but Dr. Harley came in and began making some pushy but admittedly effective changes which allowed us to e%plore new tacti%
boo you buster i wasnt pushy!!
anyway i wasnt looking for full superhero registration, this was the perfect job for me
:33 < it was also the correct mix of purrsonalities! we all like to pounce in there and let fur fly even if horsepower says he doesnt
D —> I do not
:33 < yes you do
D —> I don’t
:33 < anyways, youve got to pawvide back-up if youre going to maneufur big and fast, we wouldnt have lasted this long without dr harley to k33p us locked and loaded! she is also sw33t and great and a close purrsonal friend as well as our colleague
D —> Indeed, we would not enjoy our current level of efficiency nor would life be remotely the same
awwww you saps!
D —> She cannot drive the van worth a damn however
X33 < *the furriendly superhero lols heartily at the doctors expense*
wow, bite me
anyway when theyre not being assholes, these two are my best adventure <3
Some superhero pairs can hold a distant relationship with their auxillaries, especially in the realm of mad science. It’s all test tubes and exploding pens for most, but you all seem to have a strong bond and a high level of involvement in everything the other two do. Is there anything you’d say that brings you all together?
:33 < weird furry porn
weird furry porn
D —> Tasteful anthropomorphic erotica
HERO WEEKLY: ISSUE #401, 7/12/2020
==>WHAT A DEVELOPMENT!!
L3X P4RS1MON43! TH3 S1MPL3ST 3XPL4N4T1ON 1N COMP3T1NG HYPOTH3S3S T3NDS TO PROV1D3 TH3 CORR3CT ON3!
TH3 1NT3RRUPT1ON OF OFF1C14L SUP3RH3RO BUS1N3SS
H1S 4PP34R4NC3 SOLO!
1ND1C4T1NG H1NTS OF SUP3RPOW3RS 4ND TH3 P3RSON4L 4SP3CT 4ND 4LSO
Pipe down, Ms. Pyrope.
There is no indigo-blooded troll meeting your description on my employee roll, current or past. Illusory correlation. Your only evidence was Felt gear.
Don’t ask if I’m sure. You’d overstep your boundary.
1F YOULL P4RDON TH3 PUN!
1 4POLOG1Z3 FOR 4NY T1M3 W4ST3D 4ND 1 4LSO 4PPR3C14T3 TH3 1NFORM4T1ON
TH4NK YOU FOR TH3 1NT3RV13W 4ND FOR TH3 L4V1SH 4MOUNTS OF R3D SYRUP © BUT NOW 1 SHOULD B3 L34V1NG 1MM3D14T3LY
Word of advice. Don’t get involved with English right now.
1S TH4T 4 W4RN1NG >:?
It’s not a threat.
1F YOU KNOW SOM3TH1NG 1 WOULD 4PPR3C14T3 B31NG TOLD —
You’re not a child any more. Life’s short.
Let it lie.
You suddenly understand jack shit.
==>DRINK THE DRINKS OF VILLAINY
1 L1K3 WH4T YOUV3 DON3 W1TH TH3 PL4C3 BY TH3 W4Y TH3 GR33N FL4M3S 4R3 V3RY 3LDR1TCH
I get a tax write-off for decor.
Accusation of Vile Corp involvement with the mob is one with weight, Ms. Pyrope. Any villain taking gang money would find themselves abruptly shelved.
TH1S W1LL B3 ON3 OF YOUR N3W N1GHTT1M3 GOONS
4N 1ND1GO-BLOOD3D TROLL 1NT3RRUPT3D 4 CLOCK ST1NG WH1L3 OP3NLY W34R1NG F3LT 1NS1GN14!
H3 WOULD 1D3NT1FY 4S M4L3, B3 4ROUND S1X FOOT THR33, D1DNT G1V3 4N 4L14S BUT TH3 R34L N4M3 1S M4K4R4, 4LTHOUGH TH3R3 1S TH3 POSS1B1L1TY H3 H4S CH4NG3D 1T
FOR TH3 R3CORD H3 H4D HORS3POW3RS BOW WH1CH 1 HOP3 YOU W1LL 4GR33 1S JUST T4CKY >:[
1 4M SUR3 YOU W1LL W4NT TO 4VO1D FURTH3R P3RSON4L 4SSOC14T1ON OF V1L3 CORP W1TH TH3 F3LT, M4D4M D1R3CTOR
Improbable. The Felt would no more take one of my employees than the Midnight Crew would Madame Murel’s girls.
TH3 R1GHT CL4W DO3S NOT 4LW4YS KNOW WH4T TH3 L3FT CL4W 1S DO1NG!
Don’t patronize me, Pyrope. I’m checking up on the matter as we speak.
Your problem is that you become too married to your gut-instinct hypotheses.
WH1CH M34NS >:?
Why assume that this troll was one of mine?
==>WALK INTO VILE CORP’S VILE DEN
The head of Vile Corp., the administrator behind all villainous doings in the city, is not surprised to see you. She never is. She is also incredibly cavalier about indoor smoking laws as applied to government buildings.
1 4M CURR3NTLY 1NCOGN1TO, 4ND 1T 1S G4UCH3 TO B3 OP3N 4BOUT WH4T W3 BOTH KNOW!
Saves time. If nicety is your concern, Ms. Pyrope, then allow for small talk. How is Vriska and that floppy-haired human fool?
OH H3 1S 4S FLOPPYH41R3D HUM4N 4ND FOOL1SH 4S 3V3R
SH3 S33MS H4PPY, WH1CH 1 SUPPOS3 1S WH4T COUNTS
She was a loss. A great deal of potential.
TYPH3US 1S GOOD FOR H3R
1 TH1NK TH3 M4RQU1S3 PROV3D 4MPLY TH3 R34SONS 4S TO WHY VR1SK4 S3RK3T SHOULD NOT B3 4LLOW3D TO RUN R1OT >:[
And you never feel a twinge at the loss of your rival?
NOT 4 ON3!
Gauche to lie about what we both know, Ms. Pyrope.
This isn’t a social call. Speak your concern.
MY CONC3RN 1S W1TH TH3 1LL3G4L 1NT3RS3CT1ON OF V1LL41NS 4ND ORG4N1Z3D CR1M3, WH1CH 4S YOU V3RY P3RSON4LLY KNOW 1S 1LL1C1T 4S 4LL H3LL!
Once a lawyer, always a lawyer.
Sit down. My secretary will get us coffee.
JUST 4 T4ZO ® P4SS1ON ™ BR3W3D T34 © 3XTR4 HOT NO FO4M 4DD3D R3D ® PL34S3
STR1D3R 4ND 1 4R3 CUTT1NG OUT TR4NS F4TS
==>CONTINUE TO VILE CORP
Vile Corp. The place where it all begins. Their administrator is one of the city’s most powerful players in this high-stakes game of Guess Who, the mystery-face game… where people die.
Thankfully for you, you have contacts. You know Vile Corp’s administrator well. She’s one of the most dangerous women you know, and you have a little black book so full of dangerous women it should be a stick of dynamite in a negligee.
Her secretary is only vaguely less dangerous.
Terezi! T)(is is unexperc)(ted!
P31X3S TH4T W4S NOT ON3 OF YOUR B3TT3R PUNS
I )(ad to t)(ink of it on t)(e flyfis)(. 38(
TH4T W4S ONLY M4RG1N4LLY B3TT3R >:]
SO 1 H4V3 W4ND3R3D 1NTO TH1S WR3TCH3D P4L4C3 OF S1N TO S33 YOUR D4RK M1STR3SS
Ps)()()(. My dark mistress needs an APPOINTM-ENT, you know.
1 TH1NK SH3 W1LL S33 M3 APPO1NTM3NT OR NO 4PPO1NTM3NT
Glub! Ms. Snowman is out to lunc)(, Terezi.
HORS3SH1T! SH3 H4S N3V3R L3FT H3R D3SK FOR LUNCH, L3T 4LON3 TH3 BU1LD1NG!
1 D3M4ND 3NTRY >:[
You know I could just let you float around reel easy, drifting out in t)(e current and never let you spot land, RIG)(T? T)(at you could be beac)(ed here forever and ever if I felt pacifically in t)(e mood?
4LL YOU D3S1R3 FROM M3 1S 4 Y3S, PR1NC3SS CR4NB3RRY S4UC3
)(ee )(ee. 38D
You get complaicent if I just let you t)(rash all over me! Don’t begrudge me )(aving some fun, okay? If I don’t provide you a little opposition t)(en you are in danger of glubbing rusting s)(ut.
TH1S 1S NOT OPPOS1T1ON! TH1S 1S B4S1C4LLY JUST YOU TR34D1NG OV3R M3 1N YOUR FR1VOLOUS SP1K3D H33LS FOR TH3 SH3LL OF 1T!
You used a fis)( pun, so I will allow you to proceed wit)(out )(arm.
But if you want me to fit you into my spiked )(eel sc)(edule I can try for Tuesday?
TH1S OFF3R 1S 3XC3SS1V3LY T3MPT1NG BUT 1 W1LL H4V3 TO D3CL1N3
It’s okay, I was just fucking wit)( you. 38)
==>BE TEREZI. BEGIN MISSION.
You take a break. You’re not even on the clock. You just take your duties as a traffic cop very seriously! As you have explained to Dave, traffic law is the very primal heart of coppery: it is the first and most fundamental celebration of order. Dave generally does not listen because he is sadly brushing child spittle off his pants.
But you have bigger worries on your mind than wiggler saliva. The reappearance of Gamzee Makara bedecked in lime is not merely a mystery. It is foreboding. It bodes harder than even the events of two weeks ago. Gamzee’s funny green suit and villainous descent is just the smelliest omen to date.
—SHOW MONOLOGUE LOG—
TH1S C1TY 1S DY1NG OF SP1T BO1L1NG B4RKB34ST D1S34S3
1S TH3 B3ST 1 C4N DO TO T3ND3RLY L1CK TH3 FL3CKS OF FO4M 4W4Y FROM 1TS MOUTH?
==> CONTINUE TO WASTE THE LEARNING TIME OF OUR PRECIOUS FUTURE
— SHOW INCONVENIENT CELLPHONE CALL LOG —
R3M3MB3R WH4T 1 3XPL41N3D TO YOU L4ST N1GHT WH1L3 W3 W3R3 W4LK1NG OFF 4LL THOS3 3MPTY C4LOR13S FROM TH3 P1ZZ4?
yeah about how the guy who jacked our witness used to be some old friend of yours or whatever
1 W4S 4 LOT MOR3 SP3C1F1C TH4N TH4T D4V3!
had a lot of lesson plan to jam in after my oh thirty two seconds of sleep
W3LL 1 GU3SS TH4T C4NT B3 H3LP3D
H3 GOT SH3LV3D Y34RS 4GO 4FT3R B31NG D33M3D UNF1T TO S3RV3 4S 4 H3RO
BUT H3 W4S W34R1NG F3LT DUDS L4ST N1GHT
so what the dude fails his exam and goes rogue
not entirely unheard of
4CTU4LLY 1T 1S!
D4V3 D1DNT YOU R34D TH3 F1N3 PR1NT ON OUR CONTR4CT?
V1L3 CORP. 1S STR1CTLY FORB1DD3N FROM T4K1NG 1N 4NYON3 WHO F41LS TH31R H3RO1C PSYCH 3X4M
G4MZ33 W4S NOT “ROGU3”. H3 W4S WORK1NG FOR TH3 F3LT
4ND TH4T 1S TOT4LLY
dont get too excited tz
this is getting a little x rated
im around children here
H4 H4 TH1S 1S S3R1OUS
1 4M GO1NG TO H4V3 4 T4LK W1TH TH3 H34D OF V1L3 CORP. TO H34R WH4T SH3 H4S TO S4Y FOR H3RS3LF
oh that sounds like a pretty stupid thing to do
awesome good luck
TH4NK YOU 4S 4LW4YS FOR YOUR CONC3RN!!
1 H4V3 4 CR1M1N4L TO C4TCH SO 1 H4V3 TO GO BUT 1F YOU DONT H34R FROM M3 BY N1N3 PM PL34S3 COM3 R3SCU3 M3
i cant actually hear you waggling your eyebrows you know
STOP R1GHT TH3R3, PUNK!!
YOU TURN 1NTO TH4T ON3-W4Y 4ND 1 W1LL R3MOV3 YOUR THUMBS
==>BE THE ONE WHO DOESN’T TELL PEOPLE WHAT THEY DON’T NEED TO KNOW
— SHOW INCONVENIENT CELLPHONE CALL LOG —
H3LLO MR STR1D3R 1 HOP3 TH4T YOU B3H4V1NG YOURS3LF TOD4Y
1N YOUR ROL3 4S 4N 1NNOCUOUS C1V1L14N 1N 4N 1ND1SP3NS1BL3 4ND P3RF3CTLY 1NNOC3NT OCCUP4T1ON
terezi how many times do i gotta tell you not to call me at work
YOU C4LL M3 4T WORK 4LL TH3 T1M3!
yeah on my break
1 DO NOT H4V3 ‘BR34KS’ D4V3
B3C4US3 TH3 L4W N3V3R SL33PS
tell me about it you had me up so late last night i barely got ten minutes of zs
WH4T 4 ST4T3M3NT SUBJ3CT TO COM3D1C M1SUND3RST4ND1NG!
i know right
gets us a goddamn laugh track over here
this better be important
1 JUST W4NT3D TO T3LL YOU WH3R3 1 4M GO1NG 1N C4S3 1 DONT R3TURN
4ND 4LSO TH4T….
YOU W3R3 4 GOOD P4RTN3R D4V3
1 4PPR3C14T3D OUR T1M3 TOG3TH3R
3V3N 1F YOUR T4ST3 1N P1ZZ4 W4S QU3ST1ON4BL3
woah woah wait back it up
what the hell are you going on about
1 4M 4BOUT TO 3MB4RK ON 4 M1SS1ON 1N TH3 COLD 4ND UNFORG1V1NG L1GHT OF D4Y
1 KNOW TH4T 1T 1S D4NG3ROUS TO F1GHT CR1ME OUT OF TH3 S4F3TY OF TH3 SH4DOWS BUT TH1S 1S N3C3SS4RY
could you maybe do something useful like explain the specifics of the plan or even just provide a dude with a melodrama to english dictionary
D4V3 SOM3T1M3S YOU 4R3 NO FUN
part and parcel of the profession tz
BLUH BLUH HUG3 BOR3
uh yeah kids how about you go touch the xylophones