January 2012
27 posts
1 tag
==>IMPOUND THE HILARIOUS CAR
This is a little more like it. The official Feltmobile is designed to be a stretch-poolvertible. The back is literally a billiards table. It has sweet rims and a dope paint job. It is the dumbest car you have ever laid eyes upon, and you regularly ride in a van that advertises protein powder. —SHOW CELLPHONE LOG—
4H4! do you know how you literally say aha its like hearing a...
1 tag
==>When the cops close the scene, you play the...
—SHOW LOG—
1 W1LL PUT ON QU1T3 TH3 P3RFORM4NC3 FOR TH3 POL1C3 1N F4CT 1 1M4G1N3 TH4T 4FT3R OUR M4NY 3V3NTFUL Y34RS TOG3TH3R 1 W1LL H4V3 COM3 TO C4R3 FOR TH3 F3LTM4N! SOM3 OF MY T34RS M4Y 3V3N B3 S1NC3R3!
==>You tell another Feltman of your wish to join the gang, for the sake of your dead beau’s last wish. Once the Felt takes pity on a poor dame and accepts your...
1 tag
==>After a few or so years of lavish dinners and...
—SHOW LOG—
L1K3 4LL M4RR14G3S 1T 3NDS 1N MURD3R! oh naturally 4LTHOUGH 1 PL4Y 4 DUT1FUL W1F3 OV3R TH3 Y34RS 1 W1LL H4V3 B33N SL1PP1NG 3V3R 1NCR34S1NG DOS3S OF PO1SON 1NTO TH3 HOM3COOK3D M34LS 1 LOV1NGLY PR3P4R3 FOR H1M years Y3S D4V3 1 S41D Y34RS YOU DO NOT N33D TO R3P34T M3 FL4TLY L1K3 YOU 4LW4YS DO WH3N YOU 4R3 B31NG HUM4N 1NCR3D3LOUS sorry let me rephrase that...
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==>Explain brilliant and S3XY plan to become...
—SHOW LOG—
1 FUCK1NG 4M 4ND 1 W1LL DO 1T THROUGH FUCK1NG! >;] what 1 W1LL US3 MY F3M1N1N3 W1L3S TO CR4CK TH1S C4S3! which would be all well and good if you actually had those RUD3! 1 W1LL H4V3 YOU KNOW TH4T 1 4M V3RY 4TTR4CT1V3 BY TH3 ST4ND4RDS OF 4NTHROPORMORPH1C B1LL14RDS B4LLS is that what theyre supposed to be 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 >:? yeah i was never...
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==>BE THE ONE WITH DANGEROUS PLANS.
The Felt Building is a misnomer. This is one of many, and the Felt stronghold spans an entire city block. It also pockmarks the whole town with various strongholds tucked away in warehouses, skyscrapers, sewers and sleazy villas, all of which you were familiar with as a legislacerator. Not many people realize that this building in particular houses English himself.
There are not many people...
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==>CONTINUE READING
You are prevented from continued reading.
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==>CONTINUE READING
Dr. Harley, it’s said that your time with the Heroic Associates also put you through college? There are plenty of lucrative scholarships available for Associates who start early, and good dental plans for sidekicks.
yeah, thanks to the heroic association i hold a phD in physics, another phD in superphysics and a third phD in super xtreme physics i also technically have a degree in robotic...
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==>CONTINUE REREADING PAGE 5, FROM MID-INTERVIEW
Let’s leave general history for a moment and get on to personal. You weren’t an agency placement; Dr. Harley was registered as your scientist asset from the start. What made you three think that you were on to a good thing?
D —> Our modus operandi has always been 100sely weapons-based D —> I had intended to act as both mechanic and repairs, but Dr. Harley came in and began...
1 tag
HERO WEEKLY: ISSUE #401, 7/12/2020
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==>WHAT A DEVELOPMENT!!
—SHOW LOG—
L3X P4RS1MON43! TH3 S1MPL3ST 3XPL4N4T1ON 1N COMP3T1NG HYPOTH3S3S T3NDS TO PROV1D3 TH3 CORR3CT ON3! TH3 1NT3RRUPT1ON OF OFF1C14L SUP3RH3RO BUS1N3SS H1S 4PP34R4NC3 SOLO! 1ND1C4T1NG H1NTS OF SUP3RPOW3RS 4ND TH3 P3RSON4L 4SP3CT 4ND 4LSO Pipe down, Ms. Pyrope. There is no indigo-blooded troll meeting your description on my employee roll, current or past....
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==>DRINK THE DRINKS OF VILLAINY
—SHOW LOG—
1 L1K3 WH4T YOUV3 DON3 W1TH TH3 PL4C3 BY TH3 W4Y TH3 GR33N FL4M3S 4R3 V3RY 3LDR1TCH I get a tax write-off for decor. Accusation of Vile Corp involvement with the mob is one with weight, Ms. Pyrope. Any villain taking gang money would find themselves abruptly shelved. TH1S W1LL B3 ON3 OF YOUR N3W N1GHTT1M3 GOONS 4N 1ND1GO-BLOOD3D TROLL 1NT3RRUPT3D 4 CLOCK ST1NG WH1L3...
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==>WALK INTO VILE CORP’S VILE DEN
The head of Vile Corp., the administrator behind all villainous doings in the city, is not surprised to see you. She never is. She is also incredibly cavalier about indoor smoking laws as applied to government buildings.
Classic villainy. —SHOW LOG—
Oracle. 1 4M CURR3NTLY 1NCOGN1TO, 4ND 1T 1S G4UCH3 TO B3 OP3N 4BOUT WH4T W3 BOTH KNOW! Saves time. If nicety is your...
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==>CONTINUE TO VILE CORP
Vile Corp. The place where it all begins. Their administrator is one of the city’s most powerful players in this high-stakes game of Guess Who, the mystery-face game… where people die. Thankfully for you, you have contacts. You know Vile Corp’s administrator well. She’s one of the most dangerous women you know, and you have a little black book so full of dangerous women it should be a...
1 tag
==>BE TEREZI. BEGIN MISSION.
You take a break. You’re not even on the clock. You just take your duties as a traffic cop very seriously! As you have explained to Dave, traffic law is the very primal heart of coppery: it is the first and most fundamental celebration of order. Dave generally does not listen because he is sadly brushing child spittle off his pants. But you have bigger worries on your mind than wiggler saliva....
1 tag
==> CONTINUE TO WASTE THE LEARNING TIME OF OUR...
— SHOW INCONVENIENT CELLPHONE CALL LOG —
R3M3MB3R WH4T 1 3XPL41N3D TO YOU L4ST N1GHT WH1L3 W3 W3R3 W4LK1NG OFF 4LL THOS3 3MPTY C4LOR13S FROM TH3 P1ZZ4?
yeah about how the guy who jacked our witness used to be some old friend of yours or whatever 1 W4S 4 LOT MOR3 SP3C1F1C TH4N TH4T D4V3! sorry forgot had a lot of lesson plan to jam in after my oh thirty two...
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==>BE THE ONE WHO DOESN’T TELL PEOPLE WHAT THEY...
— SHOW INCONVENIENT CELLPHONE CALL LOG —
H3LLO MR STR1D3R 1 HOP3 TH4T YOU B3H4V1NG YOURS3LF TOD4Y 1N YOUR ROL3 4S 4N 1NNOCUOUS C1V1L14N 1N 4N 1ND1SP3NS1BL3 4ND P3RF3CTLY 1NNOC3NT OCCUP4T1ON terezi how many times do i gotta tell you not to call me at work YOU C4LL M3 4T WORK 4LL TH3 T1M3! yeah on my break 1 DO NOT H4V3 ‘BR34KS’ D4V3
B3C4US3...
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==>MEANWHILE
OH. OH MY FUCKING UPSIDE-DOWN IN A VAT OF BOILING WIGGLER VOMIT TROLL JESUS. IS THAT…? HOLY SHIT. shh shhhhh calm down! the neighbours will complain again and i always have to come up with the dumbest explanations about why you cant control your voice D: they think you are in a custody battle with your ex-troll wife over a clutch of eggs that havent hatched yet WOW...
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==>THE BROADCAST CONTINUES!
— SHOW NEWS REPORT —
<3 ~ — was sighted at the scene of the crime if any dear and noble citizen of paradox city has information on this very mysterious individual we would implore you to contact your local action news crisis line and tell us everything you know please and thank you ~ <3<
<3 ~ now stay tuned for your daily update on the sports with our lovely...
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==>MORNING IN YAOIVILLE, THE CITY AWAKES
—SHOW LOG—
OH, THIS IS A RIPE BUNCH OF SHIT. A WHOLE PILE OF APPETIZING MANURE JETTISONED FROM THE EXCREMENT GASH OF A HOOFBEAST WHOSE DIET HAS LONG CONSISTED OF NOTHING BUT REFRIED BEAN PASTE AND GARLIC SUGAR COOKIES.
karkat, everyone knows the news is biased!
you dont have to say things like that every time its on
“SILENCE IS THE FIRST STEP TO SLAVERY AND SLAVERY IS FUCKING...
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==>LATER. MORNING OOZES OVER PARADOX CITY.
—SHOW NEWS REPORT—
<3 ~ recent numbers also show that clock-related crime sprees are at an all-time high and police are warning all clock owners to exercise caution or use non-traditional methods of time-telling such as prayer to the sun gods or animal whispering ~ <3<
<3 ~ local crime bosses declined comment on this spate of forceful timepiece removal as did the...
1 tag
==>he’s ESCAPING to the SIDE
—SHOW HERO LOG—
tz
not using that amount of juice for less than a meteor strike ok you know that OH GOD NO NO NO H3 W4S SH3LV3D SW33PS 4GO TH1S M4K3S NO S3NS3 WH4TSO3V3R neither do you so talk to me what the hell is going down W3 F1LL3D OUT TH3 P4P3RWORK TH3R3 W4S NO S1GN OF H1M S1NC3 SO WHY NOW 4ND WHY MR SW34TY BLU3B3RRYS 4RROW UNL3SS BUT GR33N? >:O >:O >:O...
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==>WHAT THE FUCK
—SHOW HERO LOG—
TH4T W4S HORS3POW3RS BOW! well that sure as shit wasnt horsepower goddamnit this is senseless its just a smalltime clock heist WH1CH B3GS TH3 QU3ST1ON 4S TO WHY TH1S M4N W4S UNJUST1F14BLY 4RROW3D >:? someone wants attention real bad i mean did they not hear we accept dinners and movies of all kinds im anyones after a whiskey TH3Y DONT JUST W4NT...
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GRIM AS HELL!!!!
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==>BUT FROM ACROSS THE STREET
A sniper takes aim.
1 tag
==>RETRIEVE ANYONE LEFT ALIVE
—SHOW INTERROGATION LOG—
alright sir
were about to enjoy a rousing game of bad cop apathetic cop
TH1S COULD 3ND W1TH YOU S1TT1NG 1N 4 N1C3 W4RM P4R4DOX C1TY POL1C3 D3P4RTM3NT C3LL 4BOUT TO 3NJOY 4 PR1SON S3NT3NC3 WH3R3 K1NGP1N 4ND 3NGL1SH C4NT R34CH YOU
ORRRRR TH1S COULD 3ND 1N 4 N1C3 W4RM P4R4DOX C1TY POL1C3 D3P4RTM3NT C3LL WH3R3 TH3 COPS H4V3 D1SGUST1NG PR1SON3R PROT3CT1V3...
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==>ORACLE AND JUSTIN TIME: CHRONOCHROMATIC...
You cannot wonder what this swirling anime bullshit does. You are frozen in time, and there has been a judicial order against the bullshit gritty action you took previously. Redress is ordered against the pre-injured party.
GRIM. AS. HELL.
2 tags
==>
Here’s the deal with these two shadowy vigilantes: you think you’ve cornered them, you think you can open fire and make everything kind of brutal, you think you can maybe even pack their corpses into a FRIGIDAIRE or two. Just so future superheroes know what happens when you face GRITTY ORGANIZED CRIME.
Then you wonder what this swirling anime bullshit does.
